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SeaViews: Insights from the Gray Havens
Oct./Nov. 1997

-- C.A. Beard

Editorial:

Steve Langer sglanger@oakland.edu
anon ftp site ri-exp.beaumont.edu
News Archives News Archives

On last month's Fix;

the answer to last month's Fix,

"Papparazzi - good, bad or just catering to public tastes?"
 

is

In the spirit of Dave Gay and Doug Wilkin below, the papparazzi are only where they are becuase people will buy what they have to sell. Taste, manners and simple respect for other's privacy are but memories now. But of course celebrities are being disingenuous when they claim they don't relish the spotlight. After all, Micheal Jackson's very shunning of the press makes his likeness all that more rare and profitable, something I'm sure he is aware of.

On the Wedding;

Ok, you've screamed for it, and it's been about five months, so in this edition, the tail end of the Rag will have weddin' photos. Those who get the email version of this will have to go out to the PPSA home page to see them. Enjoy.

On Microsoft;

Ok, we all know Gates' writes putrid software, that he has no shame about charging outrageous rates for it, that he'll steal ideas from others that are decades old and claim them as his own. None of this is news, but the next couple of items represent a new low even for him.

The first tale represents an experience I had with MS-Access '97, but I think it would be true of anything in the Office suite. I happened to be on a remote computer and networked over to my desktop (no small feat itself) to work on a database that I created under Access from 1994. I merely opened the file, and Access '97 cheerfully said, "This was created in an old version, do you want to update?" The default was YES! I clicked on NO. "OK" Access '97 said, "But you will not be able to modify the tables." That was fine with me as I was just looking up something.

Now the funny part.

When I went to shut down the database Access '97 said, "The changes that you have made are not compatible with the older version. You should really upgrade." This piqued my curiosity as I had made no changes. Now trusting Microsoft as I do, I killed the program by force (through the Task Manager, rather than the Access '97 menu) and saved a backup of my database. I then reopen in Access '97, tried to exit as before, and this time I let Access '97 save the upgraded version with my "changes". When I next opened the database from my old Access '94, you guessed it, it could not open the file anymore. And when you get back into Access '97 and try to find a way to save it back to an older version - you can't.

Gotcha! You now have a file that you cannot return to a state readable by your old software, and you have to buy all new Office products. MS-Excel has a similar "feature" in that it will not save back to a pre-Workbook version. Word '97 will only save out to RTF or plain text, meaning you'll lose much of your formatting.

Recent testers of MS Internet Explorer 4.0 also have a tale of woe to tell. It seems that during the install IE4 (as its known by its fans) reassigns many of the file bindings in the Win95 or Win-NT registry. This means that when you double click on, say, a Word document, it may not get opened by MS-Word anymore, but rather by IE4 or one of its helper applications. As this can be rather irritating for many people, they than try to use IE4's own uninstall program to get it the Hell off of their computer. In the process of doing that, the registry gets completely corrupt, to the point where the computer will no longer boot, and the operating system has to be reinstalled.

You gotta love this company.

Guest Editorial:

none this month

Letters:

1. Dave Gay writes from merry old England.

Date: Tue, 4 Nov 1997 10:22:52 +0000 (GMT)
From: Dr David Gay 
To: LANGER STEVEN C 
Subject: Re: lastcall
 
Steve,
 
You ask, "Papparazzi - good, bad or just catering to public tastes?"
 
Sometimes they are good, but not very often.  Usually they are bad
encroaching on the private lives of people, which is catering to
the public's lack of good taste.
 
 
I don't know if this would be considered a local anecdote or not since
it happened in South Africa, but involved some local people.  The
Spice Girls (a all girl pop group you might or might not have heard
of) are starting their world tour in South Africa.  For the concert
notable celebrities (Prince Harry and Prince Charles) showed up for
the concert.  Before the concert they all (the Princes and the Spice
Girls) met the President of SA, Nelson Mandella for a press call.
Nelson Mandella said the he was getting to old for young women.  To
which Geri replied "You are only as old as the woman you feel.  And
I'm 25!"  In the Sunday Times this was changed to "You are only as old
as you feel."
 
Dave
 

2. Doug Wilken writes from the tundra.

Date: Wed, 5 Nov 1997 13:13:22 -0600 (CST)
From: Doug Wilken 
To: LANGER STEVEN C 
Cc: Doug Wilken 
Subject: Re: lastcall
 
Steve,
 
>
> "Papparazzi - good, bad or just catering to public tastes?"
>
 
I keep wondering where such a weird name "Papparazzi" came from
(Italy, I suppose, but what the *(&(*& does it mean?  "Flies
on the wall"?)
 
There is a market for sordid pictures, just as for various drugs,
sexual perversions and other public nuisances.  So "catering to
public tastes" is part of the answer.  However, it takes some
real dirt-bags to be that obnoxious and intrusive in getting the
sordid pictures, so "bad" is also part of the answer.
 
I don't have a solution to this BS because there *IS* a strong
market.  If the  intrusive picture taker faced some real risks
in getting photos, such as #6 bird shot in the ass while
trespassing (which I define as a natural consequence), one might
see a real reduction in the supply to this market.  Or the price
could go so high that any risk becomes acceptable to some people.
 
Another thought (I'm in the middle of sniffing RTV silicone so
we will disgus logic and clarity another time....)  Perhaps
those who are at risk should also quit whining about
wanting their privacy and deal with the fact that they *are* famous
and such status attract interest, serious interest, from large
numbers of people.
 
Who knows, some form of healthy balance may happen to occur in the
future.
 
I'm listening to an update on the Terry Nichols trial.  Why are
prosecutors allowed to introduce victims of the bombing as evidence?
This has nothing to do with establishing if he was involved or not.
That kind of stuff should be saved for the death penalty phase if
it has been established that he is guilty.
 
Had some rather volatile mayoral racing in Minneapolis.  The incumbant
won.  Was very entertaining.
 
Both the Twins and the Vikings are threatening to leave town if we
don't subsidize stadiums for them.  My replay still remains the same:
"Solve your own labor/management problems.  Otherwise, by all means
feel free to leave."
 
So are you tenured yet?
 
-Doug Wilken
 

Ed: Funny you should ask ... Actually, I was just promoted from Acting Asst. to Asst. Prof.

Quotes(s) of the month:

from David Gersten, a funny;

"It is reported that the next update to Webster's Dictionary will contain the following definition for Microsoft's Windows 95:"

Windows 95: n. 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit OS originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that can't stand 1 bit of competition.

Fix of the month:

"How would you clean up the middle east?"

News:

Washington;

1. Redmond, 25 Oct: The good news about Microsoft continues, as Attorney General Janet Reno announces that the company will be fined $1 Million/day for anti-trust violations related to the company practice of requiring OEMs to bundle Internet Explorer with new computers in order to get a license to sell Windows 95. The suit was instigated by Internet competitor Netscape, but additional weight was added when PC making giant Compaq announced that it had been threatened by Microsoft that it would lose the Windows 95 license if it continued to bundle Nescape's product on it's computers instead of MS-Explorer.

2. Nov. 16; While sitting in our living, with the lights down and the fireplace casting its cheery glow, my wife has an excellent view out of the patio doors onto the night sky. This Sunday was one of those rare November days when the sky was clear, and the stars glittered in their cold, remote majesty. Suddenly, Sheryl juimped up and said, "My God, that plane is on fire and its heading right for us!" So much for a quiet night. I got up and stepped out on the deck to see a series of flaming chunks, perhaps 20 miles long and three miles wide, streaking across the sky from west to east. As we both watched the "meteors" broke apart and flamed out somewhere to the east of us. I said, "Looks like NASA lost another one."

According to the Seattle papers the next day the UFO hotline received over 300 calls about the incident, but the Air Force commented that it was probably a Soviet weather sattelite. [Some poor guy probably has the reactor core in his back yard right now.]

Ohio;

1. Urbana, Nov. 5; Having difficulty starting the engine, Paul Sirks left the cockpit of his 1945 vintage single engine plane to start it by hand the old fashioned way - spinning the propeller. Succeeding beyond his expectations, the engine caught and the airplane roared down the runway and took off by itself. Making a half circle over the airport, the plane then meandered off to the NW about 90 miles, reaching about 12,000 feet before running out of gas and crashing into a pasture.

Florida;

1. Tampa, Nov. 22; An elderly woman was surpised when her family invited her up to Ollala to celibrate her 80'th birthday. At the party, she was given a 7 week old Peekinese puppy. Taking the bus back home, the bus driver noticed somewhere in the midst of the Florida swamp that the women was concealing the dog under her sweater. Since pets are a violation of bus rules, the driver pulled over, and ordered the women to leave the bus. So, after midnight, 40 miles to her home, the lady was dropped onto the state highway. Fortunetly, the bus driver first called his home base and the dispatcher called Florida highway patrol to come and pick the lady up. Frightened that she might go to jail, the women did not want to go with the police, but the Troopers ferried her and her puppy back home. When she got there, a note was awaiting her from the local sheriff. It said, "Not everyone is nasty."

The driver for Grayhound bus was suspended without pay.

New York;

1. NYC, Nov. 15; The clerical union of New York's circuit courts are suing the state over a case of reverse discrimination. Currently, over 85% of the secretaries, clerks and stenographers that work in the NY court system are women. When a man was hired as an entry level stenographer, several women clerks (who themselves hoped to have a shot at the job) sued on the grounds that the only reason the man was hired over them was - well his manliness. "Hiring someone just to make a quota is unfair", said union member Meg Huffman.

Ed; Ahhh irony, thy name is life.

Massachusetts;

1. Boston, 7 November: In a move which has stirred considerable controversy, the Judge released the British nanny who was convicted of shaking a child to death. The jury had found the 19 year old guilty of 2'nd degree murder, but the Judge negated the decision, held the girl guilty of only manslaughter, and released her with 250 days time served. [The Judge in the case, incidentally, was the spouse of Clinton's second try at an Attorney General - Lonni Guanier, and has been known for some time to be an activist from the bench.]

Meanwhile, the people of Mass. are now wondering whether they should ammend their state Constitution which gives Judges the power to overule a jury.

California

1. LA, 14 Nov.; The case against the FBI agents who murdered Randy Weaver's wife in Ruby Ridge Idaho in 1991 is still not over. Attorney Stephen Yagman took the oath of office Wednesday to serve as special deputy prosecutor, assisting Boundary County, Idaho, Prosecutor Denise Woodbury. His law practice has been limited to pursuing police brutality cases in federal courts for the past 16 years.

He will handle the case against FBI sharpshooter Lon Horiuchi, accused of criminal negligence for killing Vicki Weaver, the wife of white separatist Randy Weaver. Horiuchi, who testified in an earlier trial that he was aiming at Randy Weaver, could face up to 10 years in prison if convicted under state law. He has asked for the case to be moved to federal court.

Washington D.C.

1. Nov. 16; Virtually on the week that the Senate was considering wrapping up the investigation into the Clinton's campaign funding abuses, the China Daily News boasted in an editorial that the U.S. Congress could be convinced of anything, up to and including that Charlie Tree and John Wang were really NOT trying to buy Clinton the election.

Net News

1. Some humor from Beaumont Barb.

Date: Fri, 17 Oct 1997 12:14:44 -0400 (EDT)
From: Barb Chapman 
To: sglanger@u.washington.edu
Subject: you know you're drinking too much coffee when...
 
 
YOU KNOW YOU'RE DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE WHEN;
 
· Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
· You ski uphill.
· You get a speeding ticket when you're parked.
· You speed walk in your sleep.
· You have a bumper sticker that says, "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
· You answer the door before people knock.
· You haven^Òt blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
· You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
· You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.       
· You sleep with your eyes open.
· You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
· The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
· You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without 
  using the timer.
· You lick your coffeepot clean.
· You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
· You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't
  even work there.
· Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
· You chew on other people's fingernails.
· The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
· Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee."
· You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
· You can type 60 words per minute with your feet.
· You can jump-start your car without cables.
· Cocaine is a downer.        
· All your kids are named "Joe."
· You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.
· You don't sweat, you percolate.
· Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet-N-Low."
· You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
· You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
· You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
· You walk 20 miles on the treadmill before you realize it's not on.
· Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
· People get dizzy just watching you.
· Starbucks own the mortgage on your house.
· You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
· The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
· Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
· You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
· People can test their batteries in your ears.
· Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.     
· Instant coffee takes too long.
· You channel surf faster without a remote.
· You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity 
  in a coffee can.
· You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
· Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
· You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
· You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
· You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
· You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
· You get drunk just so you can sober up.
· You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
· Your Thermos is on wheels.
· You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
· You short out motion detectors.
· You have a conniption over spilled milk.
· You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.    
· When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three
  more, I'll have a cup."
· Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
· You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
· You don't tan, you roast.
· You don't get mad, you get steamed.
· Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced 
  coffee to get you in the mood.
· You can't even remember your second cup.
· You help your dog chase its tail.
· Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
· You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
· You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
· You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
· You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
 
bchapman@ri-exp.beaumont.edu          
 

and some more

 
English as the Gold Standard
 
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been
reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.  As
part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased
plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish ("Euro" for short).  In the first
year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c."  Sertainly, sivil servants
will resieve this news with joy.  Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with  
"k."  Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one
fewer key.  There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when
the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f."  This will make works like
"fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.  In the third year, publik akseptanse of the
new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated
changes are possible.  Governments will enkorage the removal of double
letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.  Also, al wil
agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and
they would go.  By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing the "th" with "z" and "w" with "v."  During ze fifz year, ze
unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou," and similar changes
vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.  After zis fifz yer, ve
vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl.  Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis
and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
 
^ÅZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!!
 
*************
 
>
>Subject:       HUMOR: Bill Gates
>
>While the Gates's are moving in from their temporary quarters nearby, final
>construction of their new house is not expected to be completed until the     
>end of the year.
>
>Now if I were a contractor with a sense of humor...
>
>  ----------------------------------
>
>Bill:  "There are a few issues we need to discuss."
>Contractor: "Ah, you have our basic support option. Calls are free for the
>first 90 days and $75 a call thereafter. Okay?"
>Bill: "Uh, yeah... the first issue is the living room. We think its a little
>smaller than we anticipated."
>Contractor: "Yeah. Some compromises were made to have it out by the release
>date."
>Bill:  "We won't be able to fit all our furniture in there."
>Contractor: "Well, you have two options. You can purchase a new, larger
>living room; or you can use a Stacker."
>Bill:  "Stacker?"                                                            
>Contractor: "Yeah, it allows you to fit twice as much furniture into the
>room. By stacking it, of course, you put the entertainment center on the
>couch... the chairs on the table...etc. You leave an empty spot, so when you
>want to use some furniture you can unstack what you need and then put it
>back when you're done."
>Bill: "Uh... I dunno... issue two. The second issue is the light fixtures.
>The bulbs we brought with us from our old home won't fit.  The threads run
>the wrong way."
>Contractor:  "Oh!  That's easy.  Those bulbs aren't plug and play.
>You'll have to upgrade to the new bulbs."
>Bill:  "And the electrical outlets?  The holes are round, not rectangular.
>How do I fix that?"
>Contractor:  "Just uninstall and reinstall the electrical system."
>Bill:  "You're kidding!?"
>Contractor:  "Nope.  Its the only way."
>Bill:  "sigh  Well... I have one last problem. Sometimes, when I have guests
>over, someone will flush the toilet and it won't stop. The water pressure   
>drops so low that the showers don't work."
>Contractor: "That's a resource leakage problem. One fixture is failing to
>terminate and is hogging the resources preventing access from other fixtures."
>Bill:  "And how do I fix that?"
>Contractor: "Well, after each flush, you all need to exit the house, turn
>off the water at the street, turn it back on, reenter the house and then you
>can get back to work."
>Bill:  "That's the last straw.  What kind of product are you selling me?"
>Contractor:  "Hey, if you don't like it nobody made you buy it."
>Bill:  "And when will this be fixed?"
>Contractor: "Oh, in your next house - which will be ready to release
>sometime near the end of next year. Actually it was due out this year, but
>we've had some delays..."
>                                                                                                            
 
*************
 
A followup on the Darwin awards.  The winner for 1996 was the Canadian
lawyer who plummeted 24 floors to his death while trying to demonstrate the
strength and safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper.  If you
remember, Steve, you voted for this guy, especially after hearing that a
managing partner in the law firm told the Toronto Sun newspaper that the
deceased was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man
association.
 
A few of the current nominees for the 1997 Darwin Award, remember, the
year's not over yet:
 
At a high school, a large number of "jocks" i.e. football players and their
friends decided to pull a prank on their closest rivals.  The Moore High
School (Oklahoma) players and friends went to Norman, Oklahoma with the  
intent of hanging a stuffed tiger from the top of the flagpole at Norman
High School.  The individual who climbed the flagpole did in fact, get the
tiger tied to the top of the flagpole with a hangman's noose around its
neck.  Then, in what was a brilliant idea to prevent the opposing team from
removing the stuffed animal, the lucky individual who climbed the flagpole
began to grease the pole on his way down.  Gravity prevailed when someone
yelled that the police were coming... and you guessed it-he slid down the
flagpole directly astride the lanyard cleat.  This happened in 1977 and at a
recent class reunion, the individual in questions was married but still no
kids!
 
Two thieves tried to steal valuable copper wire from an electricity cable in
eastern Kazakhstan.  Unfortunately, they did it when it was switched on.
The authorities have no one to prosecute, as both were killed by the
transmission line's massive 10-kilovolt charge, the Kazakhstanskaya Pravda
reported.  One of the thieves will not need to be cremated.  The cable
conveniently left him as a pile of ashes.                      
 
Eric A. Barcia, 22 was found dead yesterday after he tried to use bungee
cords to jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle in Fairfax County, VA.  Barcia,
a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of bungee cords together, wrapped an end
around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink
Park, jumped, and hit pavement.  The length of the cord that he had
assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground.
The trestle is located between a parking lot and a concrete spillway from
the park's duck pond.  Green signs on the railroad bridge say "Danger!! Stay
OFF," and a drawing shows an engine bearing down on a person, with an "X"
marked on the person.  The cords were still lashed to the trestle when
detectives arrived.  A mechanical engineer who was walking in the park
figured Barcia calculated the length of his line based on the amount of give
and snap in each cord. "It's hard to imagine a scenario that would not go
wrong." said the engineer.
 
A Florida man was out on his patio tinkering with his motorcycle.  With his  
hand on the handlebars, revving the engine, he accidentally tripped the
kickstand, causing the motorcycle to lunge forward (his hand still gripping
the handlebar) through the patio glass sliding door.  His wife was inside
the house and heard the loud crash.  She came into the dining room to find
her husband, the motorcycle, and glass everywhere.  She called 911 to summon
an ambulance, but since their home is located on top of a large hillside, it
was necessary for her to run down a stairway to the street and flag the
ambulance crew in her direction.  The man was taken to the hospital,
treated, and released with minor lacerations.  Once back at home, the wife
returned to the dining room to start cleaning up the mess, mopping up the
gasoline that had spilled on the carpet with bunches of paper towels.  Not
knowing what else to do with the sopped towels, she flushed them down the
toilet.  Not long afterwards, the husband, feeling dismayed over the entire
situation, retreated to the commode to relax with a cigarette.  He
extinguished the cigarette in the toilet, causing a huge explosion.  The
wife, hearing the explosion, came running into the bathroom to find her
husband on the floor with severe burns in the groin area.  She called 911 to
summon an ambulance.  The same ambulance crew arrived, loaded this guy onto
a stretcher, and carried him out to the ambulance.  On their way out, the
wife proceeded to explain what had just occurred.  As everyone got a good
laugh, one of the ambulance crew slipped on the stairs heading down to the
street and dropped one corner of the stretcher.  The man fell, headfirst,
onto the pavement and suffered a concussion.
 
"Toughness contests are a traditional part of Polish recreational life," a
regional prosecutor told a court, "and the state has no wish to interfere
with a playful tradition.  But, while we accept amputation as an inevitable
part of this we do not accept murder, and I therefore ask for the heaviest
penalties to be brought against the three accused."  The prosecutor then
explained that the three men had been drinking solidly all afternoon in the
garden of the dead man.  They put on traditional toughness bonnets and began
a contest.  At first they played breath-holding contests, then they hit each
other with blocks of wood and banged nails into their own flesh.  But then
one man put his hand on a chopping block, and dared the deceased to cut it  
off.  The deceased hacked at it with his own knife, partially severing the
wrist, then put his own head on the block and challenged the first man to
chop it off.  That man beheaded him with an axe.  The three remaining men
decided things had gone too far, stopped the contest, and began singing
folksong "Roll the head of the giant," which woke the neighbors, who
observed the men burying the body in the garden.  The three accused pleaded
not guilty on grounds of drunkenness.
 
Three Southern California teenagers, wanting to practice rappelling skills,
but not wanting to drive all the way to cliffs, instead climbed a Southern
California Edison Tower that carries 200,000 volt power lines.  One of the
teens either touched the wires or simply got too close to them.  The jolt of
electricity ignited his clothing, blew the change out of his pocket and
welded the coins to the beam, blew off his gloves and shirt and melted his
watch.  The flaming gloves and shirt floated to the ground and started a
brush fire.  He received second and third degree burns over 70% to 80% of
his body.  He later died from these burns.  "We just heard a huge       
explosion," one of the other teens stated.
 
 
Ineligible for the ultimate award, but worthy of note:
 
Police arrived at the Seattle scene to find an ill man curled up next to a
motor home near spilled sewage.  A police spokesman said that the man
admitted to trying to siphon gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor
home's sewage tank by mistake.  The owner of the vehicle declined to press
charges, saying that it was the best laugh he's ever had.
 
A Chattanooga, TN judge revoked Clint Wolford's privileges after checking
scores at a charity golf tournament and finding him five strokes off the
lead.  Wolford pleaded guilty last year to vehicular homicide and had been
given a suspended four-year prison sentence with conditions that include six
months work release.  He could work in the day, but otherwise had to be in
jail.  Wolford, 27, apologized in court, but said it was to impress a client 
and was the only time he played golf on work release.  Wolford was in court
again the following week to answer perjury charges after the judge found
Wolford had played in two other tournaments.  It may cost him four years in
jail this time.  If he had followed the law, Wolford would have been free in
a few weeks.
 
On a even funnier note, the guy who hit me has asked for a jury trial for
the two misdemeanor warrants, one for reckless driving and the other for
failure to stop and ID at a crash (i.e., hit-and-run).  Jury selection is
Oct 17th, with the trial scheduled for the week of Oct 20th.  Bruce and
David have graciously volunteered to be character witnesses for me, because
they can truly testify that I am a character.  Will keep you posted.
 
Love ya,
Barb   
 

2. The Weddin. Captions are by my wife - I accept no blame.